Thursday, May 28, 2009

REDISCOVERING WHAT I DO BEST

When I was in highschool, I auditioned for a theatre play staged by our literature teacher. I auditioned because I knew I have what it takes to be the brightest persona on stage. I believed it was my moment to be discovered. Sadly, after weeks of anticipation, the results were released and I walked the building aisle with a super sad face. Yes. The insane thespian in me was wrapped in darkness and my dream of becoming a star was cut short. I told myself, maybe, acting was not meant for me. Or, perhaps, acting disliked me.

I tell you, it was my first and last attempt to audition. Upon graduating high school, I shelved that dream of performing on stage, NOT.

Singing has always been my passion. When I was a kid, my parents would always tag me along to office parties to perform and entertain the crowd. While I painted the venue with laughter and applause, my parents would be surrounded with compliments and pats on their backs. And seeing the big and proud smiles on their face, I realized, maybe I was destined to be the ultimate performer the Philippines could ever have. Yeah, I thought of that (kapal di ba?).

I was not only a performer in family gatherings and office parties, I even became the center of attention in Fiesta Celebrations. I was the stage designer (yes), the host (yes) and the performer to serenade the affair. I was always a part of any intermission number. My talent was everywhere. My voice was heard on church activities as I was part of the choir, and again, my melodies were like delightful anthems embracing our town.

In school, I was one of the active “singers.” From grade school to high school, I was part of the glee club and soon the school choir. Although I attempted to join singing competitions, luck was afar. Either I was absent or I took a half day when the organizers held an audition. Despite the petty misfortune of reaching the pedestal where the brightest singing stars are pampered, I found my way on showcasing my talent - go to the bushes and sing!

Soon, I became a local icon in singing (imagination gone wild). With the left and right praises that I possess a beautiful voice, I accepted the fact, I am meant to sing and maybe not to act on stage. But I denied that reality. I believed I was capable of acting. Maybe I was unripe. I needed more polishing. I just needed a break.

Serious breaks ushered into my life, again, not in acting but in singing. I joined singing competitions and I won. That paved my way for more confidence which led to the breaking of my shattering of the “shyness.” I soon boxed my acting career (as if there was in the first place) and pumped my singing prowess.

I became serious in singing but I never let it interfere with my studies. Since I prioritized my studies more than my singing, after passing the auditions for UP Concert Chorus, I declined. I just continued my passion through participating in our parish choir, joined some singing competitions and graced some events.

After graduating college, with a degree in creative writing and broadcast communication, it was time to hunt for a job. Having an impressive college record, I knew I will land in my dream job. Surprisingly, while you may conclude I dreamed of singing as a profession, you are wrong. I dreamed of being a STAR in a television network. I wanted to be part of the Philippines Largest Network, ON CAM! I was ambitious.

As the nation was being bombarded with reality talent searches, I knew the only ticket to being ON CAM (ring the stardom bell) was through joining such shows. And so, I auditioned for Star in a Million. I want my name to be aligned with Martin Nievera, Gary V., and many more.

My hopes were again set on a high bar. I was a bit confident with my singing capabilities yet I was afraid of the reality I was not good looking – I was chubby, wearing specs, pimply, or should I say, the male version of Ugly Betty. It was the thick face and a fraction of confidence that made me finish my piece on the auditions, wholeheartedly. I sang Michael Bolton's "Go the Distance."

After an hour of waiting, the weeding out started and dream-shattering was like a bomb dropped from above. Then, my verdict landed on my face. I didn’t make it.

Truth be told, my dream of becoming a star, again, was short lived. Yeah. I got frustrated. I suppose it was all normal. Thank goodness, it was a "secret" audition. 

It was the end of the line. That's what I thought not until a life-altering event changed everything. I was hired as a production assistant under Star in a Million. And from there, I learned the real story behind ways and means in making and diminishing the value of a STAR.
 
And years passed, I realized, I'm more than being a singer or an actor. I am talented and I can share it with others. 

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