Sunday, January 24, 2010

EXPLOSIVE ENCOUNTER: Change

Blogging hiatus ends today. I want change.

Change is everywhere. Change can be felt in our surrounding. Change can be seen on people. Change can affect people positively and sometimes, badly. Yes. The only constant in this world is change.

I change. You change. We change. Change is part of ever new beginnings, of new years, of opening new chapters in life, and of wanting to deviate from what is stagnant or routinary.

I can say, I’ve changed a bit. Gone are the days of movie marathons and pig out sessions. Such relaxing sessions have been changed to sleepless nights of reading and shooting. Yes. I read a lot of modules and research papers for my postgraduate studies. And yes, I also shoot (recently, edit too) for the documentary I’m to produce at the end of this semester. You can say I’m stressing myself. Oh well, It’s better to think of school stuffs than let homesickness pull me down.

I change. I see that. I feel it. My mood evidently swings. My smiles sometimes are kept. I prefer silence. I prefer being alone. I find enjoyment on my solidarity. That is because I’m able to see the world in a different perspective. Plus, being alone makes me reflect on the direction of life I want to take. I reflect a lot. I think a lot. I think, I can do more and better somewhere. It’s just that, school inspires me. And so, I currently see work as a plateau. It’s just there – flat. Should I sing, it’s all about the money?

Yeah. It’s all about the money. I want to save up. I want to save more. And with enough investments and experiences, I can start building my real dream – I will be a professor. Perhaps a more exciting job like where I can talk loads (DJ?) or share my craft in performing arts (Singer? Theatre?). Yeah. It’s all about the money. I want to have my business in the future to support myself and help my family. The greens support. It makes us survive in a commercial world.

I’m not closing my doors for future overseas opportunities. But hopefully, if ever I’ll move to another country, it has something to do with education or into performing arts. Listen to my heart.

I know people will move in and move out. Yeah. They come and go. They become a part of our dream building. It’s part of change.

There have been a lot of changes around. Some people move to another sanctuary. Some stay and share each day with me. While some, opt to build their world in a different time and space. I can’t blame them. We have our own lives. We have our own plans to fulfill.

I always believe that the world has a special order. Everything happens for a reason. And change is part of that everything. Change happens for a reason. And changes are part of destiny’s hands. However, sometimes we repel what life offers us. We become impatient. And so we can’t blame the world for our hardships. Change roots within us.

I am happy with what destiny has brought into my life. Here I am in a rich and peaceful country. I can save money. I experience different cultures. I enjoy fresh perspective. I feel safe. But I still don’t feel its home. Just like a tree, I can only grow this much because I am not in my own soil – The Philippines. At this point, change brings me the companion of advantage and disadvantage. I am lucky. I am in a spot where most Filipinos would want to have – a comfortable life in a greener pasture. That’s what you call advantage. The disadvantage? Yeah. There are moments money can’t replace genuine happiness. And that’s how homesickness strikes.

Homesickness is a change along the serenity of my life abroad. It’s my number one enemy. It’s an unexplainable feeling. Thankfully, I am able to contain such feeling because I invite positive change. Nevertheless, homesickness will never fade away. It will always be there. It will always be a part of someone’s leaving their mother land. I hate the feeling. However, it makes me strong. It makes me understand why emotions are made – - to make me, us sane.

Positive change is about thriving on optimism. I know life is not perfect. Sugar coating sad and real situations has limitations. But as long as positivity is on the middle of struggles, at the end, a special light can be viewed.

Postgraduate studies change me. Sometimes I feel giving up. I’m just tired. I’m just stressed with what I have to study and produce. There’s pressure. And sometimes, positivity is eaten up by tiredness. Thankfully, prayer lifts up my spirit. A short chat with my family inspires me more. And can you believe it, Facebook comments gives me tap on my shoulder to remind me how lucky I am with what I have now. These are changes; changes that pushes me to look at life in a positive side. And despite the odds, I survive. I’m just happy, soon the semester will end. One final examination, a portfolio and a documentary to do and I will be done with school.

Appreciation of what you have is a part of the overarching concept of optimism. I appreciate my life. I appreciate with what I have. I appreciate I have loving family and friends. I appreciate I am studying right now. I appreciate I am single because I can get to know more myself. I appreciate Brunei because it teaches me to build life with respect and focus. There are endless portions of my life which I appreciate. But just like any human, despite the appreciation comes the depreciating happiness because of too much thinking. Let it be.

Just like any human, I dream of stepping into the other side of the world. I want to go to places which I feel I will grow more. I want to be in an institution where I can share more my talent. Honestly, I feel like there are spaces that need to be filled. I am not being ungrateful with all the blessings. Perhaps, I just need a new direction.

Taking new directions is part of change. I dream of taking another direction in 2012. The reason I’m taking up my postgraduate studies is because I want to land a job in the academe. If given a change, I also want to proceed with a Doctorate after I finish my masters. I’m just confident with these plans. Hopefully, God will guide me.

I choose 2010 the spring board for change. I choose change. I choose to live in a new path because I choose change. I choose positive change. Positive change makes my feelings kick in excitement, in joy. And with such good feeling, I appreciate more of life, my life. For every appreciation ends the line of wishing to be in a different world. At this point, fulfilment paints the essence of change, of positive change. If only I can be on a direction I want, I won’t look at “what ifs.”

I dream of change. I chase my dreams. But I promise to live change.

Change is about getting my dreams in action, seeing every bits ot it unfold in enchanting landscape. Change perhaps could be about publishing a book or finishing my masters. Change is venturing into good investments. Change is building a business to help my family. Change is defined on how many friends I gain. And sometimes change can be as simple as thanking each day waking up with a healthy body and soul.

Change.

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