Monday, December 5, 2011

FOR THAT ONE SPECIAL WOMAN IN MY LIFE

I was 24 when you left me in this world. I was devastated with your leaving. We, your family, were in awe when God decided to take you away you from us. We didn't have a choice. It was brought about by fate.

But if there's any lesson that I learned from your sudden departure, that is living our lives with so much love and strength.Today, I want to bring back the happy old times that we shared.

Mom, Mama, Mamc, Mama Mia. I call her in so many ways. And even at my quiet moment, I don't have to utter the word Mama for she's always there to come by and give me a warm embrace. Indeed, mothers know best!

If my Mom is still (physically) with us, she's is supposed to celebrate her 60th Birthday. I can't believe it, it's been six years since she joined our Dear Lord in heaven. But up to this very moment, my memories with her are distinct and clear: her face, her voice, her scent and her incomparable personality.

Sometimes I wonder, what could have been my life or our family's lives if my Mom is still with us?

If that's so, she could might have been a very witty and spontaneous woman of her age. On her 60s, her shoe collection could be bigger. Her love for accessories would propel her to travel. And her generosity to help the needy would go on. And on our part, our family could might have more happy Family days and unforgettable travels in different places, here and possibly abroad.

But God has his reasons why things happen. Through acceptance of her death, God has given me and my family a new story to tell. The only difference is, one of the main characters, my Mom, plays a part that runs in our imagination, and in our hearts. Yes, our story unfolds with a narrative of memories that delve in the not so distant past.

I love my Mom, sobrang mahal that up to this moment, I can't help but shed tears whenever I think of her. Sometimes, I can't help but think on where is she, how is she doing or, even on thoughts like, what is she enjoying right now. But since I know in my heart that she's at peace and happy with our Dear Lord, I trash all the questions that sometimes knock in my mind.

My Mom has always been an inspiration to me. She taught me how to sing. She's the reason with my foray on singing. In fact, she encouraged me to hone my talent in singing when I was kid. As far as I remember, she asked me, when I was 9, to join a choir in our church. And at most parties, she'll tag me along to perform. She'll be very so happy to see me hold that microphone, sing and project on stage. Yes, she's a stage mom.

And when I grew up, she never got tired of boosting my confidence in performing. She was even excited to buy the Magic Sing for me. With this, my mom and I would go videokeing on weekends. Sometimes solo, sometimes duet, we cared less of what people would say on our dramatic renditions.

It's not only in singing that she mentored me, even in oratorical competitions, she was just there to train and cheer me up. How can I forget her happy face when I won in an oratorical competition. I couldn't forget how my Mom and Dad said to: "Proud kami sa'yo anak." They hugged me and I said, "Jollibee?" Obviously, ever since I was Kid, love na love ko na si Jollibee.

Undeniably, my mom is my biggest fan. She doesn't need a big placard or some flashy banners to show her admiration on my talent on stage. And so, from small to big scale achievements, she's always there to appreciate. In fact, she would even carry some of the medals that I got in her office and boasted it to her officemates. She's really a proud mom.

Growing up, my Mom fed us with love and so much care. When we were kids, she would prepare our "happy fiesta" meal and never let us leave with a full tummy (as in busog at nagsusumabog level). She would even scold us if we'll leave our plate with food, considering ilang butil ng kanin na lang ang naiwan. As she always say, "Ubusin niyo ang pagkain, marami ang batang nagugutom." Surprisingly, we might had misunderstood what my Mom said. As a result, we just couldn't stop eating whatever that lands on our hand.  So here we are, her siblings, blessed with ala-mascot bodies!

Mama, Me, Kuya and Bunso!

On the other hand, my Mom never forgets to bring home some pasalubongs. She always had either a cake, cookies or something which she bought from a friend or in the office canteen. Actually, during the wake of my Mom, one of her officemates came to me and said, "Alam mo, laging bumibili sa akin ang Mommy mo ng cake. Lagi niyang sinasabi, para sa mga anak niya." As I heard the woman's message, there, I cried.

My Mom is not only a mother to me; she's my super friend. We always had the good times at the Mall or even in just hanging out in the house. She tagged me along in shops whenever she feels like buying a furniture in the house or some utensils for the kitchen. On the side, she bought me some clothes as a reward for accompanying her. In fact, whenever our family goes out for a "window shopping" session, it's my Mom that would offer some shopping gift for everyone.

It's been six years already since the last time I uttered the word Mama. I kinda miss saying that word, on either special occasion or even on her birthday. Such word only works as reminder of how one woman brought me to life, has inspired me, and has continuously guided me with so much humility and compassion. Six years may be a short time but the memories are to last forever.

On the day that I read the Eulogy, it was the day that tears in my eyes never stopped flowing. It was in one sunny afternoon that I felt how gloomy, dark and stormy life could be. To say that I'm shattered was an understatement. But as I delivered each word as a testament of my Mom's greatness, a glow of light surfaced. With friends and family around me, I started to pick up the pieces of my life. I had to accept: I have my life to live and I have to be strong for my family.

With every loss, there is something that I gain, and that is the will to be strong and wish for only the best life with God as the central director. I may not have my Mom here to cheer me up on the good and bad times, but I feel that she'll always here to be a constant inspiration and source of joy especially during the sad times.

And sometimes I talk to her in my prayer. I may act like a fool but I tell her how my day goes by or what are the little things that I enjoy doing. I'm very sure, if she only have her Facebook account in heaven, she'll be the very first person to like my status. From my funny or weird punchlines up to updates on my personal endeavors, she'll be there to hit the like button, even a thousand times.

It's not only through prayer that I talk to my mom, it's also through singing. Whenever I sing, I make sure that my singing is coming from heart.  It's through melodies that I'm sure my mom could hear me and feel me. It's through each note that I'm able to convey how I love her and miss her. The songs serve as my language to reach her.

The times has changed. My eldest brother has his own family. My youngest brother is now carving his professional goals. My father has become stronger and outgoing, which I'm so happy about. And here I am, as promised, I have finished my Masters and I hope venture into my PhD. And yes, there's my mom, who will always be the perfect pillar to let us carry on with our lives and help us succeed in our endeavors in life.

Things will never be the same without my Mom. But we have a choice to navigate our lives to a direction that is enriching and promising. Surely, my Mom will be our GPRS to keep us on track.

Next year, I'll be marching on my graduation for my Masters Programme. I'm very sure, my mom will be proud of me as I achieved a new milestone in my life. On a funny note, if she's beside me, she might say, "Kailangan ka mag-aasawa?" As usual, I would possible give her a smile. And in my mind, I might just say, "Lovelife nga wala, pagaasawa pa kaya!"

On this special day, I would like to greet my Mom, a Happy Happy 60th Birthday. A witty persona named Earvs would not be here on earth without you and Papc, of course. More than saying that I am a gift to my parents, I want to say that my parents are the greatest treasure that God has given me. Each parent is a blessing to their children. And so, love them with all your heart and never take them for granted.

Mama, Mom, Mamc, Mama Mia, I know, if you're only here beside me, with Kuya, Papa, and Bunso, you'll be very happy and proud to see the life that you've always dreamed for us: God fearing and strong.

Maraming maraming salamat Mama!

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